gyg wrote:Sorry, couldn't resist!

Normally his auctions pass me by (at least his style makes skipping them easy!)

But this is classic - an empty box, but not just that, a random empty box.

(And Dave - for pity's sake tidy up your listings - your bullet points begin and end with number 4 - you are a rated power seller - when did royal mail prices go up? - STILL having e-mail trouble??)


** expired/removed eBay auction **


(There is probably a case for keyword spamming here, if anyone is interested!)

This is the most retarded auction to come out of cougar since he tried selling homemade "miniatures" made out of Play-doh.



He is probably at home right now, sitting in front of his computer in his double-wide motorized cart (too friggin' fat to walk) reading all of this stuff that we post about him and having a laugh at the expense of the latest poor bastard that he has managed to swindle money out of...but then screaming in psychotic rage because he has managed, once again, to burst his colostomy bag.  He probably looks and acts just like Eric Cartman from South Park.

I think if AD&D/D&D hooligans DID exist, they'd make a trip to Washington to smack the piss out of the genius who came up with Gleemax before they paid a visit to the kitty.

FormCritic wrote:with a pointy goatee and a raven that sits on his shoulder...possibly wearing a wizard's robe (Cougar in the robe...not the raven).

Pity, the robe looked better on the raven.  

FormCritic wrote:Where did the idea that Cougrrinard is portly come from?

I picture him as lean and tall...sort of like scarecrow skinny...with a pointy goatee and a raven that sits on his shoulder...possibly wearing a wizard's robe (Cougar in the robe...not the raven).

I think he smokes a lot...and drinks very black coffee in frequent and copius doses....but never touches alcohol (anymore...after the "incident").  (Imagine his breath after all that coffee and all those smokes!)

His computer is up to date, but it sits on a second-hand folding table.  There are empty mugs and ashtrays all around it, and the air is heavy with the smell of the incense his girlfriend loves.

I picture him as a guy who likes horror movies...but then has nightmares and must have a candle or nightlight lit in his room at all times.

I picture the bookshelf behind him as filled with coffee table books of naked or underwear clad women...and that his girlfriend/fiance posts pictures of herself on suicidegirl.com.

As a DM, he is authoritarian and likes to fix up elaborate traps for his players.

His house has swords and rock posters on the walls...with an old, off-brand Stratocaster in the corner.

Yes...I think I've got him....

Cougarrinard is the Elric of game collecting.  

I always pictured him as a stereotypical overweight gamer type.  His shirt doesn't quite cover his bulging belly, which is enlarged from one too many late night fish and chips runs.  His desk is surrounded by empty cans of coke, jolt and fanta orange cola, which he drinks by the case full.  His hands, and mouth area, are always greasy from the large amounts of food his mail order bride Fijo fixes him (mostly beef pies, bbq ribs and homemade pastries).  He has coke bottle thick glasses, and peers in disdail upon most things.
  He used to DM a local group, but most drifted away because of his arbitrary decisions and bursts of monomania at the gaming table.  He still thinks he has a "group" and manages to DM some kids from the neighborhood occasionaly, who snicker at all his dungeons which are of the "killer" type and end up destroying the adventuring party in an hour or so.  After which he smugly tells the teens that they weren't ready for that, were they? BLOCK WIPE! he then sniggers.
 He never finsished high school (or the equivalent in the UK), and has dyslexia but refuses to admit it.  His favorite reading material is TSR Forgotten Realms novels, but he slips in a Gor novel here and there when the wife isn't looking.  He's only seen a naked lady once in his life, and it was his mother in the bathtub.  The kids made fun of him when he was little, calling him "Roly Poly" and "Chubs".  He justifies every asinine decision on ebay to steal from a buyer by equating the buyer with the lads that made fun of him when he was little...they deserve it!
   He has two little yap dogs that he dotes on, giving them treats while he picks away at the typewriter in bad light at night. He mutters to himself under his breath  and giggles a lot, giddy at the thought of "secret schemes" he's planning against the Acaeum.
    You may think this is cruel to make fun of a person, but seriously, Cougar isn't any more real than Harry Potter, James Bond, Bridget Jones or any other UK literary creation.  No one could be that "cougish" and be a real person.

Mike B.

JohnGaunt wrote:Do not slander the White Wolf in that manner!

Da Coug doesn't have the power to bring about the end of the world by blowing the Horn of Fate . . . he may think he does . . .  

Can't you imagine the Eternal Champion, trapped on this mundane world, with his runesword (possibly a "Titanium Powersword?") residing under his un-made bed, going totally nuts with boredom and considering any sort of manual labor beneath him?

So, he gets into RPG sales because it fills the time and keeps him from having to endure the agony of human contact.

He takes up with a jaded Earth woman, whose home he uses as a base for his operation.

His command of English is limited because of the difference between the Laws of Syntax on Earth and Melnibone.  Also, as the rightful Emperor of Melnibone, he feels that grammar is beneath him.

That would explain his continual reliance on status as a judge of who is right and wrong in a dispute.  It would also explain his willful nature and tendency to declare that whatever is shipped to him is not good enough.

At night, he plays in a rock band at underground British clubs (Titanium Powerchords?").  On occasional weekends, he plays D&D with a group of Goth followers who do not know his true nature, but are in awe of his enormous ego power.  ("Titanium Powergamers?")

He manipulates online deals simply as a pastime until he gathers the items he needs to break the demon pacts that trap him in this world.

"Moonglum, tonight I tire of these petty...collectors.  I must seek vendetta against them."

"So long as the gold flows into our hands, why bother?"

"Because I am the Emperor of Melnibone and they may not vex me even in ignorance...and because I must gather souls to shatter the bonds that hold me in this place."

"So...M-Bags again, is it?"

"Charge back all of them...and jack up the shipping on that B2."

gyg wrote:I've said it before, but it's worth repeating - If it hasn't already happened, it's surely only a matter of time before Coug gets his head kicked in by a disgruntled customer!

A couple of years ago, I was convinced that CougTard tended to treat his UK buyers better than his U.S./Canadian buyers. And I figured the reason was that he didn't want to get bitch-slapped by a disgruntled UK buyer who could find him pretty easily ... I mean, no offense guys, but it's a pretty small island.

Now, though, I'm not so sure. He just seems to treat everyone with complete disdain, regardless of where they are from. I'm not sure I've even seen a so-called "businessman" (remember: three houses! ) who so actively hates all of his customers.

Sometimes, I think it's only a matter of time before he gets a pounding. He'll rip off a Millwall F.C. fan or something and, a few days later, will end up tasting his own teeth.

FormCritic wrote:
Can't you imagine the Eternal Champion, trapped on this mundane world, with his runesword (possibly a "Titanium Powersword?") residing under his un-made bed, going totally nuts with boredom and considering any sort of manual labor beneath him?

So, he gets into RPG sales because it fills the time and keeps him from having to endure the agony of human contact.

He takes up with a jaded Earth woman, whose home he uses as a base for his operation.

His command of English is limited because of the difference between the Laws of Syntax on Earth and Melnibone.  Also, as the rightful Emperor of Melnibone, he feels that grammar is beneath him.

That would explain his continual reliance on status as a judge of who is right and wrong in a dispute.  It would also explain his willful nature and tendency to declare that whatever is shipped to him is not good enough.

At night, he plays in a rock band at underground British clubs (Titanium Powerchords?").  On occasional weekends, he plays D&D with a group of Goth followers who do not know his true nature, but are in awe of his enormous ego power.  ("Titanium Powergamers?")

He manipulates online deals simply as a pastime until he gathers the items he needs to break the demon pacts that trap him in this world.

"Moonglum, tonight I tire of these petty...collectors.  I must seek vendetta against them."

"So long as the gold flows into our hands, why bother?"

"Because I am the Emperor of Melnibone and they may not vex me even in ignorance...and because I must gather souls to shatter the bonds that hold me in this place."

"So...M-Bags again, is it?"

"Charge back all of them...and jack up the shipping on that B2."

Absolutey hilarious, Mark.  I swear, this thread gives so much it's incredible.  I'm either laughing or crying when I leave here everyday.  If Cougie wasn't real, we'd have to invent him or something...

Mike B.

Xaxaxe wrote:
Sometimes, I think it's only a matter of time before he gets a pounding. He'll rip off a Millwall F.C. fan or something and, a few days later, will end up tasting his own teeth.

I know Millwall fans are somewhat legendary for trouble, but . . . . . .
Nawwww . . . it'll be a Liverpool fan!  
Just another thing to blame Liverpool "fans" for . . .  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THAT'S IT!!!!! :!:     Cougie IS a Liverpool "fan"; how else to explain his "cuss"-tomer service; it reminds me of what a hooligan D&D powerseller would sound/act/write like.

sleepyCO wrote:
I know Millwall fans are somewhat legendary for trouble, but . . . . . .
Nawwww . . . it'll be a Liverpool fan!  
Just another thing to blame Liverpool "fans" for . . .  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THAT'S IT!!!!! :!:     Cougie IS a Liverpool "fan"; how else to explain his "cuss"-tomer service; it reminds me of what a hooligan D&D powerseller would sound/act/write like.

DON'T get me started on that. i am from Liverpool and that has to be the most fabricated piece of crap i have ever heard in my life.

its amazing how narrow UEFAs/FIFAs view is of these things. it really does astound me.

they take very little notice of Ajax/Feyenoord in Holland. did you know that when they play each other, away fans are not allowed to the matches. mmmmm wonder why that is.

and seriously, have they EVER even bothered to look at Turkey ??!!!

Its just a fact to be honest, that Liverpool have always been made examples of all down the years. For some reason, they are the team that the powers-that-be like to hate.

muppets.

Al