The curious case of the three-page rant in the old PHB
Post new topic Reply to topic Page 1 of 712, 3 ... 567
Author


Sage Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 2884
Joined: Nov 04, 2004
Last Visit: May 09, 2020

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:37 pm 
 

[update 11/25/06: photos removed; thread title changed]

This is a threadjack from Kosh's earlier thread discussing his (obviously) previously-owned PHB. When you see these scans, I think you'll agree that this was worth its own thread.

Two warnings: first, three large pictures will follow in the next post; second, some of the language is mildly offensive. These files should be work-safe, though, as you have to get right up next to your monitor to read them clearly.

This is good stuff; does it get much better than "Gary Gygax has finally proven himself to be a totally incompetent asshole"? And that's the lead sentence! :)

Okay, scans to follow ...

 WWW  


Sage Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 2884
Joined: Nov 04, 2004
Last Visit: May 09, 2020

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 6:38 pm 
 

Edit: photos removed.

 WWW  

User avatar

Prolific Collector

Posts: 851
Joined: Jun 12, 2004
Last Visit: Dec 29, 2020

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:39 pm 
 

Transcript for those that wish to actually read this stuff, like me.  This is the same stuff as what is shown in the pics, however all + signs have been converted into "and" or "&".  Due to the ambiguity of the writer's handwriting, I have capitalized as I believed appropriate, and in some cases capitalized whole words instead of using underscores.

Introduction: An Editorial by Jim Perelman (Age 13)

Gary Gygax has finally proved himself to be a total incompetent asshole. He has thoroughly screwed up the original, FUN, game and turned it into a game of: players win, players win, players win, etc.

Among other things, the dumb fuck that I now speak of has completely defeated the thrill and enjoyment of running chaotics saying, (quote) "They are prone to be troublesome and hurtful to the party, should be shunned, and disposed of." Why did they introduce alignment for characters in the first place in this case? Let's face it shmucko, a well run chaotic can kill the party and end up with all the loot. CHAOTICS RULE, bimbo! Just because you may be totally insecure and paranoid and therefore afraid of those who might bring harm to you, doesn't mean you have to persuade  others to feel similarly.

Getting back to other things he's screwed up, lets talk about some of his spells. Why don't you just let the first level characters have all the ninth level spells while your
[you're, sic] at it! You've put in so many unnecessary spells to make the character more powerful it's ridiculous! You've managed to defeat the idea that first levelers are special if they survive, and that should you succeed with more levels gained, you have something to be damned proud of.

By the time I get finished re-writing this book so the game's
[game is, sic] balanced, I should have it printed under my own title!

I'll admit that some things are nice, the exp. charts, the organization, and a FEW new spells, but that acounts
[accounts, sic] for about 1% of the actual content, and that ain't such a red-hot average, shithead.

Your idea about the planes of existence is about as feasible as the existence of your mythical brain, and psionics have sucked since their birth as well as the Adjusted AC vs. Weapons charts.

Another thing you have to be proud you've turned to lizard manure is some of the original material such as spells like Finger of Death and Conjure Animals. In these instances you've taken great spells and turned them into steaming cow-pies. To this you can add your equipment cost chart which is about as realistic as your supposed authorial skill. You've also placed limitations that aren't needed. Why are humans so much better? Have you ever explained WHY dwarves and elves are limited in max. level? I've allowed any character to progress to any level without any problem in my world. Why do healing spells only work on certain types? Listen fart face, if I can make friends with that roaring lion by healing it, I damn well intend to do so!

Lastly I'd like to say: you goddamn moronic, son-of-a-bitch! How dare you give gods HTK! You would allow the possibility of a player killing a god? I've seen better heads on a zit! In my world gods can be hurt, humiliated, tortured, etc., but NEVER killed, and my source for that is the ILIAD by Homer. Argue with that you lousy excuse for a game designer!

By the way, which one of you assholes wrote up about Elric? You made Stormbringer look like a +1 dagger compared to its true nature. Where did the Ring of Kings get all those powers? I'll tell you where, from the pus draining out of your head, that's where. Do you have any idea how powerful and rare the Noose of Flesh or Elric's powers are? You've made the spells seem first level, and Elric seem like a common M.U.! It's my idea that one of you sped through the books and PRETENDED to have a knowledge of the story.

I don't know what your next books will look like, but if they look anything like this or GD & H, then you can bet your life that I'll try to persuade everyone I know NOT to buy them!

So-long
[no hyphen needed, sic] Peabrain.

Signed, yours truly
Gotafly Quible
[?]
King of the
[unable to discern word or words]



  


Prolific Collector

Posts: 261
Joined: Dec 17, 2003
Last Visit: Dec 09, 2017
Location: Upstate New York

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:46 pm 
 

wow... anger issues...  i don't know if i'd want to track this guy down  :wink:


-dave

  

User avatar

Prolific Collector

Posts: 772
Joined: Feb 21, 2003
Last Visit: Jun 22, 2018
Location: Spokane, WA

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 7:58 pm 
 

Traveller wrote:Transcript for those that wish to actually read this stuff, like me.  This is the same stuff as what is shown in the pics, however all + signs have been converted into "and" or "&".  Due to the ambiguity of the writer's handwriting, I have capitalized as I believed appropriate, and in some cases capitalized whole words instead of using underscores.

Introduction: An Editorial by Jim Perelman (Age 13)

Gary Gygax has finally proved himself to be a total incompetent asshole. He has thoroughly screwed up the original, FUN, game and turned it into a game of: players win, players win, players win, etc.

Among other things, the dumb fuck that I now speak of has completely defeated the thrill and enjoyment of running chaotics saying, (quote) "They are prone to be troublesome and hurtful to the party, should be shunned, and disposed of." Why did they introduce alignment for characters in the first place in this case? Let's face it shmucko, a well run chaotic can kill the party and end up with all the loot. CHAOTICS RULE, bimbo! Just because you may be totally insecure and paranoid and therefore afraid of those who might bring harm to you, doesn't mean you have to persuade  others to feel similarly.

Getting back to other things he's screwed up, lets talk about some of his spells. Why don't you just let the first level characters have all the ninth level spells while your
[you're, sic] at it! You've put in so many unnecessary spells to make the character more powerful it's ridiculous! You've managed to defeat the idea that first levelers are special if they survive, and that should you succeed with more levels gained, you have something to be damned proud of.

By the time I get finished re-writing this book so the game's
[game is, sic] balanced, I should have it printed under my own title!

I'll admit that some things are nice, the exp. charts, the organization, and a FEW new spells, but that acounts
[accounts, sic] for about 1% of the actual content, and that ain't such a red-hot average, shithead.

Your idea about the planes of existence is about as feasible as the existence of your mythical brain, and psionics have sucked since their birth as well as the Adjusted AC vs. Weapons charts.

Another thing you have to be proud you've turned to lizard manure is some of the original material such as spells like Finger of Death and Conjure Animals. In these instances you've taken great spells and turned them into steaming cow-pies. To this you can add your equipment cost chart which is about as realistic as your supposed authorial skill. You've also placed limitations that aren't needed. Why are humans so much better? Have you ever explained WHY dwarves and elves are limited in max. level? I've allowed any character to progress to any level without any problem in my world. Why do healing spells only work on certain types? Listen fart face, if I can make friends with that roaring lion by healing it, I damn well intend to do so!

Lastly I'd like to say: you goddamn moronic, son-of-a-bitch! How dare you give gods HTK! You would allow the possibility of a player killing a god? I've seen better heads on a zit! In my world gods can be hurt, humiliated, tortured, etc., but NEVER killed, and my source for that is the ILIAD by Homer. Argue with that you lousy excuse for a game designer!

By the way, which one of you assholes wrote up about Elric? You made Stormbringer look like a +1 dagger compared to its true nature. Where did the Ring of Kings get all those powers? I'll tell you where, from the pus draining out of your head, that's where. Do you have any idea how powerful and rare the Noose of Flesh or Elric's powers are? You've made the spells seem first level, and Elric seem like a common M.U.! It's my idea that one of you sped through the books and PRETENDED to have a knowledge of the story.

I don't know what your next books will look like, but if they look anything like this or GD & H, then you can bet your life that I'll try to persuade everyone I know NOT to buy them!

So-long
[no hyphen needed, sic] Peabrain.

Signed, yours truly
Gotafly Quible
[?]
King of the
[unable to discern word or words]


That last line reads:

King of the Warlocks and his own Universe


"Ah, you seek meaning? Then listen to the music, not the song."

"I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."

  


Sage Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 2884
Joined: Nov 04, 2004
Last Visit: May 09, 2020

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:06 pm 
 

Kosh Vorlontay wrote:... his own Universe

No doubt about that. :)

(But, hey, we were all 13 once, right?)

 WWW  

User avatar

Grandstanding Collector

Posts: 5613
Joined: Jun 30, 2003
Last Visit: Jan 15, 2021
Location: New Hampsha

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:19 pm 
 

Is it signed Ted Kaczynski?


If you hit a Rowsdower, you get to keep it.

 WWW  

User avatar

Grandstanding Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 7942
Joined: Jun 23, 2003
Last Visit: Jan 16, 2021
Location: DFW TX

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 8:37 pm 
 

Deadlord39 wrote:Is it signed Ted Kaczynski?


This guy is probably in prison, it might be hard to locate him....a kid with that many anger issues might not make it to adulthood without being incarcerated!

Mike B.

"CHAOTICS RULE, BIMBO!!!"


"THE MORE YOU THINK ABOUT WHY i DONE WHAT i DONE THE MORE i LAUGH" Cougar
"The Acaeum hates fun" Sir Allen
"I had a collecting emergency" Nogrod
Co-founder of the North Texas RPG Con
http://www.ntrpgcon.com

 WWW  


Sage Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 2884
Joined: Nov 04, 2004
Last Visit: May 09, 2020

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:18 pm 
 

Our Angry Young Friend wrote:... which one of you assholes wrote up about Elric? You made Stormbringer look like a +1 dagger

I have a new signature line! :)

Edit: not any longer.

 WWW  


Prolific Collector

Posts: 590
Joined: Nov 10, 2002
Last Visit: Oct 15, 2020
Location: NYC

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:32 pm 
 

Chaotics Rule, Bimbo!

^^^Hilarious!  :lol:


"before chuck even gets in the room, you can feel the bad-ness." -Al

  

User avatar

Long-Winded Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 3861
Joined: Feb 21, 2004
Last Visit: Aug 21, 2020
Location: Milford, Michigan

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:52 pm 
 

Seems to me this fellow was not quite right. It is one thing to be pissed, but to take the time (and he spent more than five minutes) to write up this rant is...well...bizarre.

At 13 you should be freaking about girls and cash.

This dude took the game personally. Too personally. 8O


And I could've bought these damn modules off the 1$ rack!!!

New modules for your Old School game http://pacesettergames.com/

Everything Pacesetter at http://pacesettergames.blog.com/

 WWW  

User avatar

Verbose Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 1709
Joined: Feb 04, 2004
Last Visit: Aug 23, 2016
Location: Chandler, AZ

Post Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:51 pm 
 

That . . . is . . . hilarious!


C'mon now . . . I don't think the kid is all that bad!   He and his friends were probably all stoned, sitting around the table and laughing their asses off as he wrote/narrated his letter. (You should see some of the rants I have stored away in old high school notebooks!)   :D


"Gleemonex makes it feel like it's seventy-two degrees in your head... all... the... time! "

  

User avatar

Verbose Collector

Posts: 1879
Joined: Mar 26, 2004
Last Visit: Jan 18, 2021
Location: UK

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 12:10 am 
 

Excellent stuff - some well reasoned points in there :lol:

(eg.
Why are humans so much better? Have you ever explained WHY dwarves and elves are limited in max. level?
- he must have been so thrilled when 3E arived and sorted out the little irritations!)

  

User avatar

Grandstanding Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 6720
Joined: Jul 16, 2005
Last Visit: Jul 24, 2020

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 2:31 am 
 

Funny stuff, actually.  He wrote that at 13?

Hey, maybe Jim Perleman  or James Perleman or Perleman, James or Perelman James  will do an ego search on himself in Yahoo and locate this site!

That would be cool.

James Perelman, Jim Perelman.

Mark


"But I have watched the dragons come, fire-eyed, across the world."

  

User avatar

Verbose Collector
JG Valuation Board

Posts: 1665
Joined: Jul 01, 2006
Last Visit: Jan 13, 2021
Location: Moncton, NB Canada

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 6:57 am 
 

Badmike wrote:
This guy is probably in prison, it might be hard to locate him....a kid with that many anger issues might not make it to adulthood without being incarcerated!


In todays world there is an equal chance that he became a CEO.  :P

He actually reminds me of some of the guys that I gamed with 25+ years ago. Some of them had enormous egos and to them this would have been a minor rant.

JasonW


Check out my Chaosium sourcebook.
Secrets of Tibet

  


Long-Winded Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 3066
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
Last Visit: Apr 30, 2015

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 3:17 pm 
 

jasonw1239 wrote:
In todays world there is an equal chance that he became a CEO.  :P

He actually reminds me of some of the guys that I gamed with 25+ years ago. Some of them had enormous egos and to them this would have been a minor rant.

I kinda thought it sounds like Maxwell...but that throws the timeline off.  :lol:

 YIM  

User avatar

Active Collector

Posts: 35
Joined: Oct 05, 2005
Last Visit: Jun 22, 2015

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 5:46 pm 
 

Hmm. Well, I gotta say, that while his views certainly are not my own, it was pretty goddamn funny!  "Where did the Ring of Kings get all those powers? I'll tell you where, from the pus draining out of your head, that's where." That's classic! :lol:


" I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered!  My life is my own"- The Prisoner

  


Prolific Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 151
Joined: Nov 24, 2004
Last Visit: Feb 02, 2010

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 6:19 pm 
 

Xaxaxe wrote:No doubt about that. :)

(But, hey, we were all 13 once, right?)


Speak for yourself. I jumped from 12 to 14.

:)


The Wraith - [email protected]

Yin & Yang Productions on eBay:
http://myworld.ebay.com/yinyangpro


 WWW ICQ YIM  


Prolific Collector

Posts: 590
Joined: Nov 10, 2002
Last Visit: Oct 15, 2020
Location: NYC

Post Posted: Tue Nov 07, 2006 7:41 pm 
 

gyg wrote:Excellent stuff - some well reasoned points in there :lol:

(eg.  - he must have been so thrilled when 3E arived and sorted out the little irritations!)


Maybe he DID write 3e!!


"before chuck even gets in the room, you can feel the bad-ness." -Al

  


Long-Winded Collector
Acaeum Donor

Posts: 3066
Joined: Jul 09, 2004
Last Visit: Apr 30, 2015

Post Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:09 pm 
 

The Wraith wrote:Speak for yourself. I jumped from 12 to 14.

I don't know if you are joking or not, but I had two 12th birthdays.
Not that we were superstitous or anything, we just forgot.  Either that, or Mom didn't want to buy two boxes of candles -- they were sold in packs of 12.  :?

 YIM  
Next
Post new topic Reply to topic Page 1 of 712, 3 ... 567