Please feel free to use this thread to comment on any creatures posted, or to post your own! I'll try to put up one every couple of weeks, if they go over well.

Creature Feature:


Ex-Wife (Tormentus Infinitus)
Frequency: Common (in industrialized nations)
No. Appearing: 1-4
Armor Class: 2
Move: 12"
Hit Dice: 5
% in Lair: 40%
Treasure Type: See below
No. of Attacks: 2
Damage/Attack: 1-8/1-8
Special Attacks: Bash the Ex
Special Defenses: The Restraining Order
Magic Resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Varies (usually Average)
Alignment: See Below
Size: 10% S, 40% M, 50% L
Psionic Ability: See Below
   Attack/Defense Modes: Nil/Nil


Until recently, the Ex-Wife was a rare, solitary creature who was generally peaceful and non-threatening. The species has evolved, however, into one of the most feared races on Oerth. It flourishes in developed civilizations, protected by law in most societies.
The Ex-Wife begins its life cycle as an ordinary human female. At a random juncture, it acquires a mate, and over a period of 1-12 months transforms into a Wife. When a married male/female couple becomes separated by law, the female indergoes a second, immediate transformation into the Ex-Wife. When this occurs, there is a 10% chance that the Ex-Wife retains her former alignment and moves to a different location, usually very far away from the male. 90% of the time, however, a drastic change occurs. The Ex-Wife develops a second psyche, one which dominates every action. This personality is Lawful Evil, and filled with a burning hatred of the partner. No act, however irrational, is above the psyche, as long as it pertains to the partner. She will go to extreme lengths to perform any and all damaging actions against him. In order to pursue this goal, she acquires several abilities which can only be used against the male.
Within 1-4 weeks, 90% of Ex-Wives will join with others of their kind. This band of creatures, the Support Group, is a primary source of ideas and thoughts which the Ex-Wife will use in her quest to destroy the male.
Immediately after the separation, the Ex-Wife acquires the Split Resources ability. This potent ability allows her to consume 50-80% of the male's treasure immediately after separation. If the pair have offspring, she gains the Child Support ability, which allows her to siphon 1/3 of all future valuables acquired. 35% of the time, she will also gain the Alimony ability, which allows her to gain 20-50% of future treasure. These abilities are inherent and need not be invoked.
The Ex-Wife can attack with her claws, but almost always refrains from physical combat, preferring to rely on her special attack, Bash the Ex. This ability can be used around any creature, sentient or not, who has the capability to hear vocal sounds. The Ex-Wife will commence a cacophony of verbal abuse against the male, usually accompanied by sharp gestures and throwing of small objects. Gradually, all creatures in close association with her will become Lawful Evil with respect to the male, and will act accordingly. In addition, she can use the Come Bang Me ability at will. Through a series of verbal encouragements and physical gestures, she can attempt to sexually manipulate the male, who must make a saving throw vs. Spells at --4 to resist. Failure allows the Ex-Wife to mentally dominate the male for a period of 1-6 hours, during which she will engage in intercourse with him. She will then use this incident in future encounters to injure the male in any way possible.
Her defense is formidable. At will, she can cast The Restraining Order. This powerful shield extends 100' from the Ex-Wife, preventing him from physically entering the area. If necessary, she can use the ability to summon 1d4 Policemen, who will defend her vigorously, incarcerating the male 75% of the time.
The Ex-Wife retains the Read Mind ability (gained upon transformation into Wife), however it is only 50% effective, and can only be used against the male. Failure to Read Mind will cause her to fly into a mental frenzy, and she will accuse the male of the most damaging thoughts according to the situation.
It is interesting to note that 40% of Ex-Wives will lose 10d4 pounds of weight within months after creation.

Definately worth inclusion in the Fiend's Folio.

Martin

Deadlord39 wrote:Ex-Wife (Tormentus Infinitus)
Frequency: Common (in industrialized nations)
No. Appearing: 1-4
Armor Class: 2
Move: 12"
Hit Dice: 5
% in Lair: 40%
Treasure Type: See below
No. of Attacks: 2
Damage/Attack: 1-8/1-8
Special Attacks: Bash the Ex
Special Defenses: The Restraining Order
Magic Resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Varies (usually Average)
Alignment: See Below
Size: 10% S, 40% M, 50% L
Psionic Ability: See Below
   Attack/Defense Modes: Nil/Nil


Until recently, the Ex-Wife was a rare, solitary creature who was generally peaceful and non-threatening. The species has evolved, however, into one of the most feared races on Oerth. It flourishes in developed civilizations, protected by law in most societies.
The Ex-Wife begins its life cycle as an ordinary human female. At a random juncture, it acquires a mate, and over a period of 1-12 months transforms into a Wife. When a married male/female couple becomes separated by law, the female indergoes a second, immediate transformation into the Ex-Wife. When this occurs, there is a 10% chance that the Ex-Wife retains her former alignment and moves to a different location, usually very far away from the male. 90% of the time, however, a drastic change occurs. The Ex-Wife develops a second psyche, one which dominates every action. This personality is Lawful Evil, and filled with a burning hatred of the partner. No act, however irrational, is above the psyche, as long as it pertains to the partner. She will go to extreme lengths to perform any and all damaging actions against him. In order to pursue this goal, she acquires several abilities which can only be used against the male.
Within 1-4 weeks, 90% of Ex-Wives will join with others of their kind. This band of creatures, the Support Group, is a primary source of ideas and thoughts which the Ex-Wife will use in her quest to destroy the male.
Immediately after the separation, the Ex-Wife acquires the Split Resources ability. This potent ability allows her to consume 50-80% of the male's treasure immediately after separation. If the pair have offspring, she gains the Child Support ability, which allows her to siphon 1/3 of all future valuables acquired. 35% of the time, she will also gain the Alimony ability, which allows her to gain 20-50% of future treasure. These abilities are inherent and need not be invoked.
The Ex-Wife can attack with her claws, but almost always refrains from physical combat, preferring to rely on her special attack, Bash the Ex. This ability can be used around any creature, sentient or not, who has the capability to hear vocal sounds. The Ex-Wife will commence a cacophony of verbal abuse against the male, usually accompanied by sharp gestures and throwing of small objects. Gradually, all creatures in close association with her will become Lawful Evil with respect to the male, and will act accordingly. In addition, she can use the Come Bang Me ability at will. Through a series of verbal encouragements and physical gestures, she can attempt to sexually manipulate the male, who must make a saving throw vs. Spells at --4 to resist. Failure allows the Ex-Wife to mentally dominate the male for a period of 1-6 hours, during which she will engage in intercourse with him. She will then use this incident in future encounters to injure the male in any way possible.
Her defense is formidable. At will, she can cast The Restraining Order. This powerful shield extends 100' from the Ex-Wife, preventing him from physically entering the area. If necessary, she can use the ability to summon 1d4 Policemen, who will defend her vigorously, incarcerating the male 75% of the time.
The Ex-Wife retains the Read Mind ability (gained upon transformation into Wife), however it is only 50% effective, and can only be used against the male. Failure to Read Mind will cause her to fly into a mental frenzy, and she will accuse the male of the most damaging thoughts according to the situation.
It is interesting to note that 40% of Ex-Wives will lose 10d4 pounds of weight within months after creation.

         
Definitely wonderful
Frank, you're great!!      

Only a little problem: on the 3rd of June I'll get married.
I'm with my girlfriend since 1996 and until this morning I was very happy.
... but now I'm a little bit worried    
who knows why!!  

Ouch. Dagger of Emasculation.
I should say ahead of time that it is very possible that some of these creatures might be offensive to certain members. If you feel in any way offended by anything that is written...... too bad.

Ok, Xaxaxe:

Creature Feature:


Tonya Ass-Wop
Frequency: Unique
No. Appearing: 1
Armor Class: 4
Move: 12"
Hit Dice: 3
% in Lair: 0%
Treasure Type: See below
No. of Attacks: 1
Damage/Attack: 1-4
Special Attacks: Verbal Illusion
Special Defenses:
Magic Resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Size: Probably XXL
Psionic Ability: Nil
  Attack/Defense Modes: Nil/Nil

The Tonya Ass-Wop can only be found in the country of eBay, where it stalks the Roleplaying Games category, laying cunningly hidden traps for unwary prey. There is little information on the appearance of the creature, but based on encounter descriptions from victims, it can be surmised that it is a hideous, overweight beast, with profuse facial and mammary hair and various warts covering its skin. The Tonya Ass-Wop's lair is strewn with 10-100 RPG items of average value, which it uses to bait its traps. There is a 5% chance that 1-2 Category 4 items will be present.
The Tonya Ass-Wop has several abilities to enable it to ensnare prey. In order to lure its victims, it uses the Post Auction ability. This creates a deadly trap for the Wop's favorite prey, unsuspecting Gamers. Victims must roll their Intelligence or lower on d20 to avoid a trap. Once the Gamer is caught, the Tonya Ass-Wop deploys its primary attack, the Ankle-Grabbing Shipping ability. This causes 1-8 points of damage per trap to the victim. The damage is cumulative (cannot be combined). Victims who survive the assault will be able to identify a Tonya Ass-Wop trap on sight, and thus avoid falling into it.
When attacked, the Tonya Ass-Wop is able to employ a myriad of defenses. Upon detecting an attack, the Tonya Ass-Wop will use its Whining Illusion ability. This ability creates the illusion of several assistants and helpers, which the Wop will use to deflect assaults. A save vs. Spells will successfully dispel the nonexistent creatures. If this occurs, it will invoke its Mental Bitch ability, which allows it to hurl insubstantial curses and threats at the attacker. If these are ignored, the Tonya Ass-Wop employs its final defense, the Negative Feedback ability. This causes the immediate loss of 1 point to the victim's Feedback statistic. This loss is permanent; the only known way to restore the lost point is to lick the Tonya Ass-Wop's brown onion vigorously, which results in a 50% chance that the Wop will restore the point.
Only one Tonya Ass-Wop is known to exist. It is not known whether or not it has the capability to reproduce.

Deadlord39 wrote:Size: Probably XXL

LMAO

Bizarre co-incidence...

I'm looking for a new place to move to and my girlfriend works for the local police and they have a good intranet with places to rent on it. So anyway my gf sends me a link to this nice place and asks if I want to go see it it looks ok so I agree. She sends me back a series of emails she's exchanged with the owner saying she's booked me in tuesday to see it. Great I'm thinking, housing situation sorted! It's not til I look at the name on the emails thatI realise the owner of the property rent is my ex-wife's mother!

Decided in the end I didn't want her a landlady as she'd double the rent specially for me

Oh DD, you were doing so well until the last sentence.  

God I think I am a Threetard.    

   I must be the eldest of all Threetards.....call me....."Threebeard."  

   We Threetards prefer the alternate name of our race:  Threeholders.

    "It takes a very long time to say anything in our language because we have to look everything up."

    We could make up some funny races like ODDlins or ODDbawlers or Firstneblins.  How about Firges or ODDzerkers?  Firstbolgs?  Firstardmen?

    The thing is, you First-o-trices wouldn't get the jokes because....(drum roll)....

   You...no...longer........play.  

    We threetards have been driven to our mass migrations by the absense of First Edition games to join.  Don't think we don't miss all of the old fiery arguments about every house rule designed to fix holes in the actual rules.  We used to love those. (How about Firstediots?  ODDbears?)  

    Actually, I have no idea why I agreed to abandon first edition and launch myself on the ODD-First-Second-Third-Third Again migration.  One of my longtime gamers has sworn that Fourth Edition shall be the end.  Like Ender's sister, he has decided to cease his immortal wanderings and die on his chosen homeworld.  He shall beach himself on the shore of 3.5 and swim no more.  

    ODDflayers?  Firstaberwocks?  Firstobgoblins?  Hippogriffirsts?  Griffirstins?  ODDelgangers?  

LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Mark